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No, the guy is actually modest. He means the Brad Pitt in ‘Benjamin Button’ – The old shriveled up one.

Being forced to write a post by a friend about him is like an itch that you quite can’t reach properly to scratch. You want it to go away but it just sits there annoying you. This guy is like that. Let’s call him ‘Spam’ for this post

Unanimous first opinion about him – The biggest retard to walk the face of the earth. Next only to Stephen Hawking according to some people. And Stephen Hawking can’t even walk!.  The food that he used to eat at one point of time was worse than eating sawdust or vulcan rubber. Looked like a dumbfuck and acted the part too.

Unfortunately, becoming friends with him was like ordering a burger from McDonald’s and getting a ketchup sachet too. You don’t call for it, it’s not really needed, you can do without it but it adds some taste nevertheless. Spam is the ketchup. After the initial impression of him being a dipshit receded, I got to know him better. Though it didn’t make me think highly of him but atleast I started giving him a chance. And I am glad that I did.

He cracks the lousiest jokes ever known to mankind but you still laugh. But not sure whether at the joke, him or yourself for listening to it. He tries to be funny all the time which is not quite needed and tends to loosen up a serious discussion by staying stuff like ” Tu stud hai re” which gets him a stern look from the stud in question. No sense of timing at all. Tends to advice a lot which gets on your nerves.

But beneath all this bullshit is a really great person who made my office life and life in general enjoyable. He is there when you need him and gives great advice when asked for (point to be noted – when asked for). One of the very few people who doesn’t give a fuck what people think of him. He doesn’t get too full of himself. He is not very emotional and is not easily pissed off or annoyed. He does that to other people! I have never seen him get angry or sad or depressed. Sometimes i think he doesn’t really care much about anything in life, that’s why he doesn’t get affected at all. But one thing he does care about are his friends. Also this guy has a knack for making fun of people and can come up with apt nicknames which are hilarious (Suppandi, Tinu Anand). He also writes a blog which is great fun to read and lightens up your mood when you need it. He believes in the saying ‘A picture speaks a thousand words’  and his blog contains a lot of pictures to convey his feelings cause his entire vocabulary is less than 1000 words But I wish I could write like him.. Please continue writing in future too. Even when you become the senior ‘Deepak Bhau’ in your new company

Preferred drunken partner to his ‘Baa’, Spam is fun to be with. Though I don’t agree with all his ideas I still consider him to be a very good friend of mine. Office without him is going to be boring now. To end it, I would just like to say that don’t change for anything in the world. Don’t become a rat in the race. Maintain your identity and your sense of humour and you will do just fine. Thanks for being the retard you are 🙂

His famous lines:

Dialogue no. 1 – tera bhai hard hai

Dialogue no. 2 –  result lene jaayega to chit leke jaa

Dialogue no. 3 –  merko vampire ne nahi, Anil Kapoor kata hai

Dialogue no . 4 – Spam: main sandwich ban gaya
Gullible person : kyun?
Spam:  do pav ke beech mein baitha hoon

Dialogue no.  5 – jo log sheese ke ghar mein rehte hai….woh kapde basement mein badalte hain

Dialogue no. 6 –           Gullible person: arre tere pant pe yeh black spots kya hai?
Spam- aaj rickshawale ko paisa nahi diya to usne colour daal diya. Mein usko ooloo banaoonga, kal mein black pant daloonga

Dialogue no. 7 : notepad jail mein hai(Excel cell)

Dialogue no. 8: Mein cellphone nahi rakhta. To threatening calls nahi aa sakte

 

p.s have to still write about my other friends.

So here I am sitting and thinking about last night’s game at Anfield. A Fernando Torres special helped Liverpool to a 2-0 win, making it their third win on the trot and helping them climb into the top half of the table. But what rankles me more than the defeat is the response after going a goal down, or two nil down at half time.

I did not see the first half of the game. So I can’t comment on how Chelsea played. But it didn’t look like Chelsea were going to score to win or even draw the match. They created a few decent chances but there was no onslaught that I expected. I expected Chelsea to be camped in Liverpool’s half, win the 50-50 tackles and rain shots on goal. But sadly that did not happen. So is Chelsea a bad team? Not by far,  but there doesn’t seem to be response when things are not going our way.

I am not a big fan of Ancelotti. I know this will sound like a case of sour grapes but it’s true. I have never really been convinced about him as Chelsea’s manager. Yes, he did win the double in his first season. But what I want most is to see a fighting spirit that sadly seems to be lacking. I can’t remember Chelsea winning a match from a losing situation in the tenure of Ancelotti (Blackburn doesn’t count). We tend to blow away teams when we are in form but stumble at the slightest hurdle. And our away form is worryingly poor. Most of our defeats or draws have been on the road and this is not a good sign. The BPL title is going to be fought between 3,4 or even 5 teams and it is important to be clinical in away games.

But what I really want is to see the dogged spirit that epitomised Chelsea a couple of years back. I want to see an attitude to cope with pressure and come on top. But more importantly I want to see a response. A response to being in a losing situation. A response that will spark the revival. A come from behind victory against a tough opponent.

Please somehow get the fortitude back in place. That is what defines Chelsea. Show me the passion in your play. I miss that.

It turns out that the world is really gullible and you can actually con someone into giving you a job even if you are totally useless and possess no additional talents other than passing gas.

I have been shouting it from rooftops that i am no longer jobless and that i have a life(yeah right!). But for all the imbeciles who are not sure whether it’s reality or a dream and are not confident that they actually have a job, here’s a list of 10 things that will make you confident that you really do work( though this in no way means that you will work long enough, i mean if you read the list to confirm what you think you know, how dumb can you get?)

So here goes. You know that you have a job when –

10. You feel totally worthless and your already low self esteem takes a further beating when you figure out that you can’t figure out why they hired you.

9. You start getting backaches from sleeping in your chair even though you are hardly even 25

8. You have weekends off and can’t figure out things to keep yourself busy

7. You be nice to people even though they are total crap and you wouldn’t look at them twice outside of your office

6. You look forward to the 1st/2nd of every month as if it’s Christmas Day.

5. Casual flirting could be grounds for sexual harassment. Then again if you flirt with girls who don’t really understand the term “lets go out sometime”, it is bound to get you in trouble.

4. The office hottie doesn’t know you exist. This actually is a universal law applicable to colleges, schools, localities, bars, gyms, supermarkets…you get the picture

3. You get paid for work that a dyslexic monkey could do. And feel proud of it!

2. You find that one person to hang out with even though you don’t have much to talk about because you would not like to come across as a lonely freak.

1. Potential girls you could like, don’t disappear off the face of the earth

So there you have it. A guidepost to get you through the dark times when you brain doesn’t seem to work. Please let me be clear that this list has in no way been derived from my own experience. I love my office and the people are, who I can hang out with. And point 4 doesn’t really apply to me. Not that she know exactly who I am,what my favourite music is and so on. But the fact that there is no office “hottie”!!

7. The number has a lot of significance in various fields viz. astrology, science, mythology, Christianity and so on. It has found a lot of significance in literature and anime too. Like in the Harry Potter series, seven is said to be the most powerful magic number(Voldemort splits his soul into seven), in the InuYasha series, the Shichinintai are a group of seven mercenaries. In football, the coveted #7 jersey is worn by the player who can conjure up something in the middle of a drab game. One who carries the burden of the team on his shoulders. One whose attitude and personality are interconnected with the number itself. Nowadays the number is worn by any tom, dick and harry. But certain players stand exception to this rule. George Best, Eric Cantona, Christiano Ronaldo. But there is only one David Beckham.

Not many people think Beckham is any good as a footballer. True he may not have mazy dribbling skills or lung bursting pace. But that was not his forte. Show me people who have better dead ball skills than this man. Show me a person you can consistently hit 60yard passes and make it seem effortless. The success of Van Nistelrooy at Manchester United was built on inch perfect crossing by Beckham.

He is not the pathetic posterboy of football who has got far on his looks alone, that he is made out to be. He was really good. Even finished runner up for the World Player of the world. Not bad for a footballer without any skills. He has always played with passion, wearing his heart on his sleeve. I remember reading his autobiography that provided an insight into David Beckham – The Footballer. About his love for the game. About the hours and hours spent after training into perfecting his free-kicks. He had talent but he had to really work hard at it, probably more than the others. Ferguson once said that, “ he practised with a discipline to achieve an accuracy that other players wouldn’t care about.”

In recent years he has played nowhere at his best. But that does not dilute the fact that he was talented. Every now and then, he’s proved people wrong and shown that he can deliver when it matters most. Ask Fabio Capello who vowed to never play Beckham in a madrid shirt but then took him back on the basis of his intensity and passion in training and it was Beckham who single handedly led Real Madrid to the title before he left.

He has been vilified and criticised throughout his career. He was blamed for England’s defeat to Argentina in the 1998 World Cup. But then came back the following season and helped United win the treble. Scored the penalty against Argentina in the following World Cup to abolish the demons. He has scored goals when it mattered most. Remember Greece at Wembley? He is one of the most under-rated players in the world. But that does not take away anything from his long and distinguished career.

He had always played with passion and a love for the game that is sadly not seen in many of the players today. I watched in raptures when he hit a 40 yrd pass so effortlessly that it looked like the nothing more than a push but landed right at the feet of the players. I have been spellbound when he scored freekicks when it looks like even the opposing goal-keeper is admiring the sheer beauty of his skill. He has maintained dignity in his demeanor that highlights a certain confidence in his own skills. Never has he spoken ill about his former bosses, even Ferguson who once famously kicked a boot at him. Loved by fans of the teams he played for. I think the reception that the United fans gave him when he came back with AC Milan speaks volumes about the love and respect that have for the man.

I am really disheartened that he won’t have a chance again to get his hands on the World Cup. He of all people deserved that one last shot. But sadly that’s not going to happen.

He was and will always remain my idol. He was the reason i started and watching and playing football. Tried to imitate the way he took a freekick or crossed the football. No amount of criticism about Beckham can ever change the way i look up to him. Because he introduced me to the beautiful world of football. A game that has gone from being a hobby to being a passionate obsession for me. Football is the best part of me and is my pick-me-up when I am down. And for this I will always be grateful. Because without football, i wouldn’t be half the person I am  and would be dying a very slow death indeed.

*penalty against argentina in the last video always gives me goosebumps

Haven’t written in a really long time. Writing stupid answers to idiotic questions in exams doesn’t count.Nothing has really affected me much to write anything. But will soon write about the great #7. Soon.

I generally abhor facebook and all of its hey-i-am-on-facebook-with 1000 friends-and-2500 pictures-i-am-so-cool. But there was this note forwarded by a friend of mine where you had to answer certain questions using only the song title by one band. I had done this thing where you read a question and put your Itunes on shuffle and see what song comes up as the answer. In this case you pick a song title which best answers the questions. Quite interesting and fun too. Don’t read too much into the answers cause even if they let you catch a glimpse of the person that i am, its not going make you like me any better.

Are you a male or female:
St. Jimmy

Describe Yourself:
Nice guys finish last

How do you feel:
tired of waiting

Describe where you currently live:
Boulevard of broken dreams

If you could go anywhere, where would you go?
2000 light years away

Your favorite form of transportation:
Walking Alone

Your best friend is:
Extraordinary Girl

You and your best friends are:
Minority

What’s the weather like:
Scattered

Favorite time of day:
Homecoming

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
21st century breakdown

What is life to you:
Holiday

Your relationship:
Whatsername

Your fear:
Last night on Earth

What is the best advice you have to give:
See the light

Thought for the Day:
Wake me up when September ends

Now I can die in peace”. That was the sentiment among most of the people who got to witness  Porcupine Tree perform live on 21/12/2009 at Mood-I. I was one of the 4000 odd people who were privileged enough to actually see them performing in India.

It was an experience that was spellbinding and enthralling. The whole atmosphere when they performed was electric and you had the crowd actually singing with them. I really don’t have words to describe how I felt. It was cathartic. They were just brilliant. The upped and lowered the tempo at regular intervals that made relaxing as redundant as Liverpool’s title hopes. After standing in line for nearly 3 hours, missing out on Parikrama while endlessly cursing the organisers amidst bouts of sarcastic humour, watching the hippie girls, laughing at people who were way behind us in the queue and paying 600 bucks, we were finally in the OAT. But my was it worth all the trouble!! I have not attended a proper concert( foreign bands) before so i have nothing to compare it with but it was brilliant. Much like how a person who has sex for the first time and has no benchmark to compare it with but somehow knows in his mind that it was how it should have been and better.

The played like  10-12 songs ranging from ‘Blackest Eyes’ to ‘Hatesong’. At times it might have seemed that they were just making noise by contrasting each other but there was a method to the madness and you could see how intricate it was. Steve Wilson has a surreal voice and held the crowd in raptures. I was carried by the music and it felt like nothing existed beyond the amphitheatre. When they stopped just before ten, I had never felt more disappointed in my life. But then they come back again and play ‘Halo’ and ‘Trains’!!

Porcupine Tree are a brilliant band and hope they keep making great music. Whatever i write here is just a tiny indication of what exactly I felt at the concert. It was the most beautiful experience of my life. During those 90 minutes(it’s a coincidence that a football match also lasts for so long), i felt as if there wasn’t a worry in the world. As if somehow the music had been able to cure the world.

I hope they come back to Bombay again and influence other bands to come in the future too. If ever there was a moment that you could sepia-tone, it was this.  Thank you.

Jay Z and Coldplay have won Grammies. They are mainstream and successful but that doesn’t necessarily mean they are the best musicians. I mean 50-60 years down the line, people will still listen to our records, I hope, but I am sure no one’s going to be listening to Jay Z”

Steven Wilson on being asked whether he thought the Incident would win a Grammy

This is going to be really short. Haven’t written in a long time so bear the rustiness. What is it about late nights,music and loneliness that makes it so self sufficient without the need for any external form of entertainment?

Maybe its the feeling that you are the only one awake in a city of millions. At times like these you think that it is humanly possible for a man to reach the highest realm of greatness possible to him. Where you sit and think of how perfect you could make your life. Of all the exciting ideas and endeavors you could undertake. When the silence of the nights is so hauntingly calm that you could shout out with joy. When you think that nothing can go wrong because the city is so beautiful tonight. When that inspiration to write a brilliant piece of music strikes the musician.

The music lends its own charm. Hearing a tune,a lyric that you haven’t heard for long but sounding as if it was just perfect for this moment of tranqulity. The music gives words to the thoughts in your mind and feel that you have somehow earned the right to listen to the music at that time . ‘People’ say that the kind of music you like to tells a lot about what kind of person you are. There are certain songs that I inadvertently put on at night. They don’t contrast the silence. They seem to fill in the spaces left empty.

The loneliness make it perfect. According to Wikipedia(sad, I know!!), loneliness is a feeling of emptiness and solitude. But i couldn’t be further from that. There are people who cannot bear to be alone at any time and are constantly in need of companionship. But that is not my concern. Every person sees the lights over the city but what each one feels about it, is completely that person’s prerogative. I cannot explain it in words but the solitude is comforting. It feels really clean. I could quote a line which would explain everything but i am not so comfortable doing it. Yet.

I love Bombay. I will not shout it from rooftops but it is not necessary. Beyond on all the garbage,crowded trains and religious blasphemy, this city gives me hope. Hope that nothing is beyond impossible. For this i will always be grateful.

Silent nights, music, solitude and the lights of the city that never sleeps around me. My own little paradise.

Another semi final, another heartbreak. It seems chelsea are destined to never win the champion’s league. A phantom goal, a penalty shoot out loss and now some despicable refereeing. Everyone will say that chelsea should have got the second goal, that barca were the better team and that chelse’a tactics were negative. But balls to them.

Barca played their exquisite passing football that’s a joy to watch but the fact remains that they didnt score at nou camp. Not one shot on target at stamford bridge till the end even with 70% possession. Admittedly chelsea are not equipped to play like barca but that doesn’t make them a less of a team. You don’t have to always play beautiful football, sometimes you need to dig deep within your resources to counter everything that the other team throws at you. And chelsea did just that. And brilliantly

Barca didn’t beat chelsea. The referee did. Atleast 3/4 penalty decisions were not awarded which would have ensured the second goal. How can UEFA appoint a man who has refereed just 10 champions league games to oversee a game of this stature and importance? He is the same ref who bungled up the italy-romania match at euro 2008  and never refereed a game in that tournament again. And he did that again yesterday. What is harder to swallow is the fact that the referee’s mistakes cost us the game. Not barca’s brilliance. And that is hard to take

I really feel for the lads especially terry. He would have wanted to atone for his penalty miss last year. But that isn’ the case anymore. A deserving team, one with spirit and character who resisted barcelona and who were within 2 minutes  of setting up a date with utd were dumped out. I think if chelsea had to win they would have to do it this year. And now i don’t think they are going to do it for the next 2-3 years. It is the end of a dream. A dream shattered by the ref’s mistakes. A dream that will now have to be started all over again. Why is it that everyone hates chelsea? Don’t people like persons who show a burning desire, an against all odds attitude, a passionate display where a simple thing as winning is the only thing that matters? Why does it always have to be beautiful and poetic? Why can’t it be cold and hard, agony and ecstasy, a steely determination, a ruthless desire, burning passion. Isn’t that poetic? Why does it always have to be a beautiful cosy love story? why can’t it be a passionate, egoistic, ruthless love story. I guess i will never know

They say a picture say a thousand words. Let the pictures tell you all. To end i would like to quote from an article i read recently –

” I think chelsea are the most misunderstood team. Is it because of the russian oligarch and his money. or is because of jose mourinho’s  1-0 win mentality. I don’t know. Chelsea aren’t half as ugly as they are made out to be. How can fortitude be ugly?

With elections out of the way in mumbai bombay, people are now guessing which of the lesser evils are we going to get as our representative. But that is not the pressing concern of the parties or the people. Its the low voter turnout.

I mean c’mon…did they really expect us to go out and vote.  After 26/11 everyone expected to see a huge voter turnout so as to make their voices heard. Extensive publicity by celebrities urging people to go out and vote, more radioplay, online campaigning etc etc. But the turnout turned out to be even lower than in 2004. People literally showed their middle finger to the politicians.

We do not vote. Instead we take out candle light vigils to remember the victims of 26/11. We pledge to make a difference. We take out protest marches against the apathy of  the government. We go on panels on T.V and strip the government naked and demand better governing. We place all the things that have to be done to make  the country a better place. We demand security, we demand infrastructure, we demand roads without potholes. But we do not vote.

With a four day holiday,we take of to holiday destinations. After all we have suffered( 26/11, no ipl in india), we deserve a vacation. We cannot wait for more than 10 minutes in a queue to vote. We are too upper class for it. We cannot spoil our prim-n-propah nails (on which we have spent thousands) by getting it inked.We don’t vote cause there’s no valet parking available at the polling centres. We do not bring change. That’s for the government. We talk but not act. We cannot go and vote cause we can’t bear the heat even if at 8 a.m its not hot and discounting the fact that we go to work everyday irrespective of how hot it is. We are not to blame. Its the government which creates shambolic facilities.

Next year we’ll again appear on a T.V panel and point out the shortcomings of the government. We’ll appear despondent at way things are being run. We will urge everyone to wake up and take a stance.And our job is done.

The people are not to blame. The joke is on the government. That they think we are finally waking up. We are just a parody on the whole system. Our words speak louder than our actions. Please do not expect us to take an upright stance. We are too bent anyways. Please do not expect us to fill the void. We are hollow anyways. Expect us to take a stand and we’ll hate           you. Expect us to follow you and will  hold you in reverence. We care about mumbai indians, we care about gucci handbags, we care about our hairstyle, we care about the hot girl on the street. But we do not care to  vote……….

Dreams are all you have
Dreams have held you back
Dreamers never live, only dream of it

dorothy at forty (cursive)

Don’t want to mumble what I’m trying to say

I want to scream it from my foaming mouth

from the hips(cursive)

“How can I brace myself for razor blades on whips
When everything with meaning is shattered, broken screaming
I could pray and trick with a double tongue, but the only fool here’s me
I choose the way to go, but the road won’t set me free”

maybe tomorrow is a better day (poets of the fall)

I’m not always hiding
Come all the way down
And watch me burn

burn (three days grace)

A new day is coming, and I am finally free
Run away, run away, I’ll attack

-attack (30 seconds to mars)

But now the biggest part is all about the image and not the art
Fashion before passion!

what happened( H2O)

But my words like silent raindrops fell,
And echoed
In the wells of silence

sound of silence(simon and garfunkel)

the sea between us only amplifies the sound waves
every hum and echo and crash beats my cave

if there’s a rocket tie me to it (snow patrol)

I live like a hermit in my own head,

but when the sun shines again,

I’ll pull the curtains and blinds to let the light in

marching bands of manhattan( death cab for cutie)

Sing this song
remind me that we’ll always have each other
when everything else is gone.

dig (incubus)

The above lyrics are from songs i like. My music vocabulary is not that great so pardon me if you think that these songs are crap. Life is not a fairytale, its a mission and its hard. I have not understood people and don’t think its likely that i will. I am sorry if i expect you to stand up for for beliefs, to fight for your convictions, to be stubborn and bull headed about what you believe in. Maybe all what i feel is bullshit and people are nice but helpless because of their situations and that i am wrong. But then again, maybe not….

One of the most loyal people are the one’s who support a club,a team, a sunday league side (not the one’s who jump on the bandwagon, those fairweather schmucks). They will cheer on their team when it’s winning or when it’s losing. There will be discontent on a poor performance but there will be unwavering loyalty even if the club is relegated. A few players show this kind of loyalty too. Del piero, Nedved, Gerrard, Lampard, Terry. Newcastle are most likely to get relegated this season but the fans keep on getting louder. How i hope they avoid the drop. They might get dragged down but the fans will still be behind the club pushing for promotion. Only if people could learn to be like that about other things. People fanatically support a team but how many of them truly have respect for the game or for some brilliant players from other teams. I have met people who detest true geniuses like lampard, fabregas etc ( most of these people are utd supporters). They are the kind of people who, if their team loses to say liverpool, will point out , ‘oh you guys lost to them in december’. So if chelsea do manage an unthinkable double or improbable treble, all i m gonna say is, “up yours dude, up yours!”